:) you are so sweet and nice. u always have been. Good luck next year and Thank you
I really need to learn to deal with my male abandonment problem. I think i already am learning. it has caused all of my failed relationships in the past as it has my crazy. I know it’s not a big deal when you don’t call me back or want to say “I love you” everytime u leave or hang up the phone. I know it’s not a big deal that you have female friends. I know it’s not a big deal that you sometimes fuck those female friends. I know that but I still make it a big deal. I’m always conscious of what I’m doing-always hovering over my own body watching myself from the outside, in. like, “what the fuck are you doing?” But I don’t stop. The time I spend with you has nothing to do with anybody else. Your focus is on me and mine—as always—is on you. Meanwhile, the time you spend with her, them, has nothing to do with me. You dont think of me then. they are two completely separate worlds. And I have to learn to appreciate when you’re in mine. Stop caring about what you do in the other.
If my dad would call me more than every few months or maybe if I saw him more than once a year I’d be better with you. I wouldn’t do things for attention. I wouldn’t try to kill myself over a picture of someone on your lap. I also probably wouldn’t stare at said picture for 2 hours straight. blaming my father for my disgustingly powerful fear of not being loved. is typical. But it is real. It’s a real feeling, like something awful in your gut
You have played,-E.E. Cummings
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
So am I.
idk who u r